I discovered meditation and hypnosis in 2017 ahead of the birth of my first child.
I had been trying to get pregnant but once I knew I was, the reality of GIVING BIRTH hit me.
I. Was. Terrified.
So I began a birth hypnosis program to manage my fear. I became consumed by the hypnosis tracks that became a daily part of my life. And not only did they (nearly) eradicate my fear... I had a “painless” first birthing experience in 2017.
Fast forward 20 months later and this same practice gave me the tools to manage a more challenging birth experience.
So why didn't I turn to meditation and hypnosis through the challenges of early motherhood?
I guess because I thought, this is the job! It’s hard! No one said it would be easy. Stop complaining. Be grateful!
So I fell clumsily into parenting, still adjusting to my identity as "mom" while adding a second baby before I could even address my pelvic floor.
Somehow “everyone else” seems to be doing it beautifully. Sometimes all I can see are gentle parenting memes and beautifully arranged bento lunchboxes.
Don't we all feel the weight of these little people, more beautiful than we could have dreamed, depending on us for everything?
Whether it’s putting their arms into a jacket (cause they can’t do that!) or giving them space to feel the full range of unhinged toddler emotions, the responsibility we accepted was not one we could have fully understood.
Sometimes I see their little pains and feel such immense empathy toward the tantrum over the blue truck. They have so little agency.
Other times I can only feel a negative loop of beliefs built in childhood that make me want to snap, “stop whining, you’re fine.”
But isn’t that, after all, how we got into this mess?
Are we all... fine?
Define fine. Or, wait. Is that really what we’re striving for? Fine. A shoulder shrug of an existence.
I think there’s more, and we should all live it for our kids to see.
So I'm back to meditation and hypnosis. It's not a "quick fix" (and sure not as instantly gratifying as a glass of wine or bite of chocolate).
But it wasn’t a quick fix when I was headed into birth, either. Instead, it worked.